so its 4/20 and im sitting here alone. i cant seem to keep myself from crying. i dont know whats wrong with me today. i miss my husband so much. now that im working for the same company as him they have us working like crazy. i get off with just enough time to get a tiny hug and he is out the door to work. not to mention i will be working 12 days with no day off. dont get me wrong i love my new job but damn i miss my husband. i just wanna get to sit and talk to him the only time we talk in on the phone and even then thats not much. what makes it worse is i feel like i have no friends. and i guess when you think about it i really dont. i mean hello im sitting here alone talking to a fucking blog. sometimes i feel completely stupid pouring my heart out on here and then i stop to relieze not a damn person even reads this so why does it matter…
life is a load of bullshit, things are getting better but at the same time it doesnt feel like its going fast enough. i quit my job ( i had be there for 3 years). i got a new job the day i quit. i mean part of me feels like shit cause i just gave up on something i put so much effort into. unpaid hours and self training in the store and at home. i had dedicated so much of my self to being that proud mcd manager and now im not. i feel like i cant boost about my job now. on the other hand, my new job is badass! like so cool. i love it. im a delivery expert for dominos and my best friend is my level two. i feel like i have a chance to do something with this company but part of me is scare to even think about it cause i’ve been so turned off by managements lately.
So work is horrible. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and confused at this point. I just wanna get away but I can’t I’m always stuck there or at this fucking house seeing what a failure I am. The one night I try and get out people managed to just kill the mood. It sucks I just wanted one night but no nothing ever works out for me. So I’m not getting to go to my manager classes in a week because I got in trouble for not effectively managing my crew. Fucking bullshit. So once again my schedule is all over the place with only.one car this is going to be a bitch. I don’t know what I’m working or how many hours or anything all because I fucked shit up again. I’m starting to think something is wrong with me. At work they tell me its my fault things happen but I don’t really think it is that bad I thought I had improved since tranfering but what the hell. Just I will be stuck at work from now on. Fml.
So its 4 am and I just wanna lay down and go to sleep. But I start overnights tomorrow so I need to at least try and switch my sleep schedule. I think I might have to get up and go clean something. My husband is opening at work. I thought about staying up and make him breakfast. But i don’t think I will make it that long. Oh well time to try.